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loneliness

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Maturing in Singledom

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Experience teaches wisdom...at least that's what most people say. The tangled web of emotions associated with complicated relationships can often result in experience being thrown through the window and foolish decisions being made. At least that's what my experience has taught me. My experience has also taught me that it may be best for me to be alone and embrace the life of a single woman. Although there is no textbook prescription for a perfect relationship, I have been doing a lot of reading to try to understand how my personality affects my interactions and who would really b the right type of person for me. I started viewing sites such as http://www.astrologycompanion.com/virgo-compatibility/ and taking compatibility quizzes until I saw this image today:

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Anger boiled within me as I read the chart. Who really has the audacity to tell me that I am compatible with no one? Why should I allow people's opinions to dictate who I choose to spend the rest of my life with?

This led to me doing some introspection. Each experience I have had has taught me aspects of my personality that I need to change and things I need to do to be happier and enjoy life. I describe these revelations as my "shining lights". Hopefully these shining lights can be your guide as you navigate the waters of singledom.

Shining Light 1:  No One Controls Your Happiness but You

Earlier this year on of my friendships turned sour. This greatly affected me because of how close I was to the person. The pervading thoughts in my mind sucked the joy out of me. Talking about it with my friends didn't help. In fact, it made how I felt worse because I felt it was something I should have battled on my own. Last week I decided to forgive the person completely. Only then did I feel a weight lift off of my shoulders. Only then was I able to communicate with him without feeling resentment. Only then did I realize that when I do enter a relationship, I should avoid harboring resentment in my mind and make the difficult choice to forgive. No one should have power of my thoughts in that way ever again.

Shining Light 2: Create Your Own Experiences

As an introvert, I understand the value of solitude. However, I have never been able to appreciate the value of solitude when going out. In my mind it makes no sense to go out without company. With my very limited budget I have learnt the value of going out alone. There are times when I leave work and find somewhere to just sit and chill with my thoughts. I'm even thinking about taking a road trip sometime next year when I can round up some cash. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your own company.

Shining Light 3: Loneliness Doesn't Validate Settling

Sometime last month I met an interesting character. Thankfully, he showed is true colours early enough for me to realize that he wasn't worth my time. However, there have been times when my loneliness has gotten so bad that I have thought about contacting him (it's a good thing I deleted his number). Loneliness doesn't make settling for the wrong person worth it. It's better to be alone than to be in an unfulfilling relationship. I have even begun to look at the beautiful relationships that my friends have and used their experiences as examples of what I want for myself.

I am embracing and enjoying my single life. If a relationship is to happen then I will welcome it with the right person. The three shining lights I have outlined will be my guiding principles stepping into the future.

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My Whirlwind of Emotions

What I say doesn't matter How I feel doesn't count

The sounds of my weeping heart aren't heard

No one understands my whirlwind of emotions.

Who I am isn't understood

I don't fit in, I don't belong

My weaknesses tear me apart

I'm all alone in my whirlwind of emotions.

It's wrong for me to feel

It's wrong for me to desire

It's wrong for me to want to be me

My whirlwind has become a tornado.

The turmoil within my heart

Makes me cry every night

When will I ever be enough?

No one understands my whirlwind of emotions.

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Are Relationships Really To Be Desired?

gfgf Every day, at some point in the day, I find myself thinking about being in a relationship. Either that or I'm thinking about the program or decor for my wedding.This has been especially true this month since it seems like almost every person on my Facebook friends list has been getting either married or engaged. I never knew December was the month for love birds!

Many single ladies often find themselves in the same predicament- dreaming about the perfect relationship. I'm not expecting a perfect relationship because I know no such thing exists. However, last night I had to stop myself and really question why I want to be in a relationship so badly. After all, a relationship is much more than just the warm feeling you get when you think about that special person. It most certainly is more than the ridiculously expensive wedding that you'll be encouraged to put on. It is a commitment of mind, body and soul. You can no longer focus solely on your needs, dreams, and desires. Instead, you have to ensure that you also pay attention to all that your partner wants, dreams and desires. The more I think about it is the more fearful I am about being in a relationship. I've been there and I know how completely I give myself to my partner. Do I really want to go through that again only to end up being alone after years of commitment?

A Beautiful Relationship is Formed with the Right Person

I've been told on countless occasions that you can be ridiculously happy in a relationship if you find the person who is right for you. I've even observed couples who've been married for years and still seem happy. My fear is that I will never experience that reality. How can I know that the person is right for me? Will he come with a check mark beside his face?

You Get to Know Someone by Dating

Dating is one of the best ways to get to know someone. Granted, most people put on a front to impress those they are dating. Nevertheless, after one or two dates it's sometimes fairly easy to know if you and the other person will click. The thing with dating though is that it requires money. At this stage of our lives, the people in my circles don't have much of that (neither do I for that matter). Yes, there are creative and inexpensive ways to date. Has anyone I know ever thought of them or tried them? Of course not. So, dating is restricted to occasional link ups and chatting via text messages, What's App, or Facebook. Don't get me wrong...doing these things does help people get to know each other over time. However, going on a date every now and again would be nice. My fear is that I won't find someone who will make that effort to think outside the box with his limited budget.

A Relationship is About Giving Yourself Completely to Someone

It is terrifying to know that relationships involve complete trust and being willing to share all your fears and desires with someone. It really is. It's hard to do this with a best friend much less someone who you're not sure will stay around. Is it really possible to trust so completely? Is it even ok to give yourself so freely?

I know that I've been rambling, but I just had to get these thoughts out. I would love to hear your feedback. Feel free to leave comments in the space provided below this post.

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You Are Never Alone

lonely person In this complex and hectic world it is so easy to get lost...so easy to feel like you're alone. Loneliness forces us to enter into the wrong relationships, develop a negative self image, and can lead to depression. So, if we know all of the negative consequences of loneliness, why do we allow our minds to encourage it? Regardless of the reasons we allow loneliness to take over our lives, I believe that the following tips can help all of us to realise that we truly are never alone.

Become Time Efficient

Not everyone in the world can be outgoing and surrounded by a multitude of friends. Some of us are more reclusive and have a harder time creating genuine friendships. This often results in us having many hours and days to ourselves. However, what do we do with that time? Do we over think, worry and allow negative thoughts to flood our brains? Or do we use that time to think of what we can do to bring more joy and happiness into our lives? Use your time alone to develop useful skills, read a good novel, watch a good movie, find some freelance jobs, or plan a vacation with your friends or family. Don't walk around feeling sorry for yourself.

Don't Be Person Dependent

If you are depending on someone to make you happy then you are bound to constantly be disappointed. your friends won't always be available to go out and if you are always asking the same person to go out with you, he or she is bound to get fed up with you at some point. Learn to create your own happiness and to discover your interests.

Spend Time With Your Creator

When I was in my teens I spent alot of time talking to God and reading His word. I think through the changes in my life and my disappointment with the way things have turned out, I have neglected my relationship with God. I am still actively involved in church and I read my Bible but that deep connection with God is not there and I find that I am sadder and more bothered with life. Your spiritual health is important and when your relationship with your Creator is excellent, you will truly know that you are never alone because He is always with you.

Don't let loneliness consume you. Create your own happiness, discover your interests and spend time with you Creator so that you can make the best use of your life.

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