Viewing entries tagged
Physical intimacy


Right Man, Right Approach

Your eyes meet. He looks so sexy and charming. He walks over to you and whispers the sweetest words you could ever hear. You both go for a ride and end up in a relationship filled with blissful pleasure. Then, two months later he's gone. Ladies, how many of you have been in similar situations that leave you wondering "What is wrong with these men"? How can we prevent ourselves from falling for men who only have one goal when they meet us? I believe that the man who is right for any woman will be the man who has the right approach. However, a woman can only identify when a man has the right approach if she understands the following:

Her Values

There is a popular saying that goes "If you stand for nothing you fall for anything." If you don't have certain standards that you live by then basically any man who knows how to charm you with his words can enter your life.  I value a relationship with God as well as the body He has given me. These values cause me try to dress without showing my assets and to keep away from guys who are only after what my body can give them. Finding the right man starts with valuing yourself and valuing the type of relationship that you want with your partner.

Sex (or Physical Intimacy) Isn't The Pinnacle of a Relationship

He may be sexy and you may want to rip his clothes off once you're alone with him but sex cannot be the driving force of the relationship. If you find that sex or physical intimacy is all you're thinking about when you're with him then something is wrong. On the flip side, men will always approach women they find physically attractive and will always try to do what they can to get into their panties but the woman has to be able to ward off the man's advances and force him to spend time focusing on building the spiritual and mental intimacy needed in the relationship. A strong relationship is one in which all three forms of intimacy are developed in balance (my post entitled "Intimacy" speaks more about each form of intimacy).

The Right Guy Isn't Found in Certain Places

Let's be honest. The man who will cherish and love you the way you deserve to be loved will not be found at bars and wild parties. Think about the places where a quality man would hang out (a Sport's Bar where there is a nice pool table and not so much loud and obnoxious music or at a church's youth fellowship for instance) and gravitate to these places.

Learn How to Read Between the Lines

Men know how to say the nicest things to women. However, there are some men who only have one objective in get into the girls panties. If a man approaches you and the first thing he says is "Girl, I was watching you from the other end of the room and you look so sexy" then red flags should go up in your head. Possibly, if he says "Hi, my name is X" and he starts to build a conversation,it may be safer to say that he is more interested in getting to know you and not what's underneath the clothes you're wearing. Learn to guard your cookie and keep it in the cookie jar.

There are certain things that I have yet to experience that I have reserved for marriage but I have learnt that a woman needs to be able to read a man's advances carefully. The tips I have given aren't necessarily fool proof but they can certainly help in protecting you from single-minded men. If you're in a relationship now that is full of sexual charge and intimacy, learn to add some balance to the relationship or you may find that it will end sooner rather then later.


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Warm fingers caressing your body. Sweet kisses on your lips. These are the ways in which the media has caused us to view intimacy...the coming together of two people in blissful coitis(as Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang theory likes to call it). Although I am not discrediting that physical intimacy creates a deep "soul connection" between two people who are in love, I would like to challenge this by saying that it is not the "be all and end all" of the intimacy needed in a relationship. There are three types of intimacy that I believe a relationship must have: 1. Spiritual Intimacy When the Bible speaks about a man and woman becoming one I think it goes far beyond the uniting of two bodies in sex. Both the woman and the man in the relationship should be so connected to God that they each have to seek Him in order to find each other. When they have found each other, that spiritual intimacy should result in them being able to spend time together learning more about God and deepening their relationship with Him. The closer they are to God is the stronger their relationship will be.

2. Mental Intimacy A couple should be able to relate on an intellectual level and should become so close that they are able to read each others thoughts. How do you develop this mental intimacy? This mental intimacy can be developed by communicating with each other regularly and getting involved in activities that you both enjoy. As you take the time get to know each other more, your bond will strengthen.

3. Physical Intimacy As I said earlier, I am not discrediting the fact that there is a need for physical intimacy in a relationship. However, we do need to be careful of how far we take this intimacy before marriage because if it leads to sex, our souls unite with that of the one we are intimate with. Let me put it this way...have you ever wondered why it is so hard for you to let go of someone you have been physically intimate with? It is difficult because that intimacy leads to a uniting of souls...a bond that is very hard to break. Physical intimacy between two people who are in love can be magically but I believe it should be reserved for marriage and should also be explored after the other forms of intimacy have been developed.

Spiritual, mental and physical intimacy combine to bring us into a "true love" experience. The strongest relationships are those in which all three elements are actively pursued and maintained. Let's not follow popular culture and minimize our relationships to sex. Instead, let's deepen the bonds with our partners through placing more emphasis on physical and spiritual intimacy.

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